Recap

So what were they? Well, we got back and lots of people were surprised at what that we had done. I think I got the question of what Shumway did or would do like a hundred times. As I had mentioned before, there was definite segregation of Amy by certain members. By the same nature, Andrew, Kyte, and I were also cut out of many things. Not that I cared much but I could tell it wasn’t the same amongst the group. We went to Galicia but that is a different story. It suffices to say that due to the trip there wasn’t much done about it during that week. However, the next Monday Dr. Shumway pulled Andrew aside during FHE and asked him a few questions about it. Many of the group members were worried about BYU’s integrity because teachers and students alike had been lied to. They were worried that Dr. Shumway’s integrity was also ruined because we blatantly disobeyed the rules. And many were hurt that we had betrayed there trust. That night, Andrew and I went to Dr. Shumway’s house to try to resolve whatever issues existed and we were told about all these problems and realized that something needed to be done. He was so nice and so sure to stand by his word and do what was fair for all of us. He easily could have sent us home or done a lot to punish us but he really wanted to resolve the issue as best as he could. We explained to him our side of the story and his biggest worry was that some people were being excluded and whatnot and wanted to put the “family” situation back into the group. Andrew and I were completely sympathetic but a lot of people were really just jerks about it. They couldn’t care how others felt and it really bothered me because it dragged my integrity down with it. I kept trying to express my sincere sorrow for the way in which we had acted but as I did they just kept writing it off as if nothing happened. Finally, after talking to each of us individually, Dr. Shumway decided to have a class discussion. The same story went on. In the end we all left so the rest of the class could express themselves freely but I couldn’t help but think about how many people had expressed how they had been hurt by our actions. It was like the day that, without thinking, I awoke from a nap in American Studies and said a really rude comment to Tommy. Between everyone laughing and later hearing from Linsey that I was one of the popular kids I was overcome by a tremendous feeling of guilt. It was the feeling of letting everyone down. When I was the loser I always wanted popularity to change the system but when I finally got it without realizing it I was just as bad as the others. And so there I was, suddenly realizing that everyone had looked up to me and I had let them down. I was ashamed to even be there and what made it worse was that as long as half of the group didn’t care it remained that much harder to apologize. We sat there waiting while they discussed our fate in the classroom and the same half that made the situation what it was sat there gossiping and complaining about others. It really bothered me. Dr. Shumway came and got us and the meeting was over but the next week after church he called us all together to talk about what had been decided and he was so nice about it all. He simply exhorted all of us to do 5 acts of true kindness to other members of the study group. While I was so happy about it the same few were just snickering and basically mocking all that the group represented and all that Shumway had done for us. All in all I realized that Team A is one of the biggest oxymorons ever. Team implies unity and inviting others while everything about this group that I was regrettably a part of goes against that. I don’t regret what happened. I can’t change the past I can only learn from it and I learned much more from this experience than I ever imagined. I have done all I can to be inclusive and a part of everything. I learned a lot about others but I learned even more about myself. Sorry if this was a little of venting but I just needed to get this out so you can see what is really going on. -Written 3/18/2008
Here is a picture just for comedy.